┼פ[Hunting for a Dream]¤×┼

Am I hunting for a dream?


Oh i used to think that,
running in the night,
swimming throught tears,
sadness, anger....
what's the difference?

Nothing has changed.
No, i'm wrong. A lot has changed.
My soul, my heart, even the air is not the same.

But myself remains, i'm alive...
just because i haven't stop breathing,
i don't have anything to keep going...

Yeah, still sometimes i look at the sky and don't even want to try,
living without porpouse, without wishes, without desires...
what the heck is this suppossed to be? the so called life?

I don't want it. Just vanish.
I can't see you, i can't hear you,
I CAN'T FEEL YOU

But i remember, i remember the long lost memories,
i'm closing my wounds, stiching them with sorrow,
my flesh is rotting, my soul is dying, my heart...

Where is my heart?

Ah... that's right...
is on the kiss of the wind,
in the light of the moon,
in the cry of the stars...
is on the eyes of my 'kids',
my lovely animal companies...
their fanged smiles... the hugs of their paws...
 is on the ones i still care...
but day by day i care for less. 

Oh my dearest dear...
when will i be able to reach you?
when you will hold me close?
I don't want this, never wanted this.
My death, when you'll come for me?

I don't belong to this world,
this world doesn't belongs to me,
i 've felted that in the very earth since the first day,
i can't continue this... i don't want this human life,
why do i have to born human?
 How can i go back to be what i used to be?
I don't remember how to get back my claws...
this spell, this curse... how can i break it?

Only death can free me,
and i can't summon it...
a promise prevents me from suicide,
even when i can't think in other thing,
i'll continue being alive... as long as my i don't stop breathing.

But i refuse to do it, i refuse to fight for it, there's no life for me in this world...
How i wish for go back to the deep dark abyss that conceived me.
Or for a final and true death...

I don't have any reason or will to continue living.
This is not a complaint... is not a pray...
i just ask... why anybody gives me one?

A lot talk, a few sweet talk, but...
no ones do anything...
they give up so easily...
that's the reason i can't trust you,
i'll neve trust in someone who says one thing and does another,
not in someone who can't keep their word...
i'm not a one who ask someone to do things for me,
neither "proofs" of so called "love",
but when someone says that will do something, and don't...
i can't be helped, i become dissapointed about that person...

Ah again my writing is random about many things...
but i don't care... i know that there's no one to read this besides me,
and, in the case of someone read this, will not care... cuz i always say what i tought,
and this is a small part... of all my inner chaos